only because a review this big would seem stupid to put into letterboxd
I would say that most people regard this as Christopher Nolan’s masterpiece, but I think the same goes for basically most of his other movies (e.g. The Dark Knight, Inception, Interstellar, Dunkirk etc). But, as I was researching reviews of this movie before my first viewing, every one in ten seemed to have problems with it, which is still a pretty low minority, compared to this film’s reputation. So, I had to watch this for myself and…..
It’s complicated. And that’s saying something for a Christopher Nolan film. Yes, a lot of Nolan’s directed films contains many layers of complex, fantastical, ridiculously inventive plot-lines. But, out of the ones I’ve seen so far, this is the first one I would truly call complicated, for better or for worse.
For a movie about magic, the final “Prestige” at the end definitely works. Through some of the final words of our “protagonists”, the unravelling of the craziness that this movie seemed to show made sense, kinda. It definitely explained how all of this stuff could have worked, and it’s a satisfying ending, after a 2 hour headache you’ll probably have enduring the highly back-to-forth storytelling of this film, which is a good thing, by the way! The movie definitely demands multiple viewings from the audiences, including me, to get a firm grasp on it, but it is one which I could see growing on me on like my second or third watch.
In concept, The Prestige is a pretentiously complex film, if you look at all the time-jumping it does and the way it tells it’s story. In reality, it’s no different, actually. It’s an intelligent film, but one which makes you more relieved that you understood it, rather than proud. For starters, the film starts off quite fast-paced, and while the real magic does become more clearer as it progresses, magic isn’t the only thing that happens in the film. We, as watchers, are technically required to give a shit about what happens with our characters, the main two being Bale and Jackman, who properly possess the energy of two power-hungry jackasses. In fact, all the characters in the film are well-acted out; Andy Serkis’ American accent was one to watch, They do feel a bit at an arm’s length, however; to quote Rebecca Hall in this film, I almost loved the magic than the actual people. I was engaged with the very competitive journeys of our two frontmen, but, as I said, our frontmen are kinda dicks in this movie. Besides being cool showmen, they sabotage each others shows, with each punishment being more brutal after the next. Bale’s wife hangs herself after being convinced that he was having an affair on her, which he kinda did (emphasis on kinda). And in the end, one of them ends up dead, and one of them is hung (emphasis on “one of them”).
Essentially, the movie tries to cover up for the horrible, misguided actions of our protagonists through out-of-nowhere time jumps and extreme layer, almost as if it’s an afterthought. But what it does is spit in the faces of the audiences for trying to root for assholes, and I admit, it kinda puts a sour taste in my mouth. It’s not really a style over substance problem, but more of a substance over style situation. Yeah, cool plot and all, but I don’t really feel as invested as I should because the movie kinda has to make me feel satisfaction for their journeys, even when I don’t want to. Besides what Bale thinks, nobody really wins in this movie
Look, the more I think about this film, I get trapped into an Inception of Dilemmas. The more I think about the ending, I like it more AND less at the same time. So I think I’ll just leave it at this:
Everything really is a cake, huh? Rating: Solid 7/10 for The Prestige, good effort Nolan.
All right, now we’re back to real rankings of the top 20. My predictions did come true, indeed; I predicted that things would become much more fascinating to analyse, in terms of quality, and these songs have definitely proven so. 2019 promised a start of new, fresh things in the next decade, and so far, 2020 has definitely proven that. I have not encountered such a unique, yet original list of popular mainstream songs in a long time. The same ranking system goes (0-5 points), but this week happens to take place on the week that Lil Uzi Vert’s deluxe album Luv Vs The World 2 impacted the charts, and there were some new entries in the top 20. Even though only two songs reached those heights, I decided not to include them as I don’t predict that they will have much chart impact or longevity, so I replaced them for the two closest eligible songs outside the top 20, those being Ballin (#21) and 10, 000 hours (#22). Let’s get to it!
Shit Tier
20) Someone You Loved- Lewis Capaldi (#9)
Pathetic, whiny, piece of shit. Fuck off already.
19) hot girl bummer- Blackbear (#11)
You know what, this one conflicts the hell out of me. For one, I actually think blackbear’s been given good production for once. Cool guitar chugging in the first half of the hook, twinkling synths, pretty good bombast. This could have been made into something good!…….then you remember who’s singing here and you instantly lose faith in everything. Every time I hear those pitched-down vocals on the pre-chorus I get taken back to those dark times in the closet hiding from Satan which I never experienced. I guess I could say fuCKKkkKCKK yOUU-
Bad Tier
18) Suicidal (Remix)- YNW Melly ft. Juice WRLD
I considered skipping this one too, mainly because this only got here due to a remix with the late rapper singing this hook, and because the song is garbage, and if I wanted to talk about a late Juice WRLD feature that didn’t gross me out completely, Godzilla (#23) with Eminem would be the next song I would be talking about, and that song’s enjoyable!…..but, at the very least, it does sound like the remix was intended to be put out at some point, as Juice WRLD wouldn’t be singing the hook if he didn’t have Melly’s consent. Therefore, I will accept this as a piece of art being offered to the public to be enjoyed, even if it is not good
Meh Tier
17) Life Is Good- Future ft. Drake (#4)
The only way you can make this song grow on me even more is if Drake makes a follow-up freestyle about how good the Bolognese that Future may or may not have been cooking was the best Bolognese I’ve ever tasted. If not, good, because I did not want to find this as catchy as I do. …..God this sounds like a letterboxd review (follow me @ryankwl2!)
16) Memories- Maroon 5 (#12)
Adam: So hey my manager just died let’s just take a moment to pray…. Adam 20 Seconds later: DOO DOO DOO DODOO-
Number 15) Intentions- Justin Bieber ft. Quavo (#8)
Looks like this Meh tier is comprised of songs I find way more catchier than they deserve to be, because if I was taking their good melodies away from them……
Heart full of equity, you’re an asset…. Shoutout to your mum and dad for making you…. Stay in the kitchen cooking up your own bread……
Somebody send this douche back to Eenie Meenie Kindergarten.
Decent Tier
14) 10,000 Hours- Dan+Shay ft. Justin Bieber (#22)
…..it’s ok. Perfectly fine, even a little cute at times. Can’t wait for Dan+Shay to release utter garbage with blackbear soon, though.
Number 13) Say So- Doja Cat (#14)
I….have so many issues with this new reinvention of Doja Cat. I ranted about how much industrialisation Doja Cat’s musical personality has gone through, going through the standard, compact Dr. Luke formula with undercooked vocals and production. They’ve turned her into an industry plant and I absolutely hate that, thus hindering my perception of this song quite a bit.
….but damn is that a nice groove, though. Unfortunately I can’t look past the art of the artists behind this to enjoy the art fully, but hey, I’m okay with more 80’s throwbacks that sound good.
Number 12) The Bones- Maren Morris (#17)
I’m pretty sure this song isn’t good, but I don’t know, those piano chords are kinda cool. More female country artist representation, at that too! This time, the actions of the artists really improve my perception of this song, rather than looking at the art itself, so that boosts it up above Doja Cat. MOO! is 100% better than those songs combined, though.
Number 11) Roxanne- Arizona Zervas (#6)
I don’t know or care who this motherfucker is, but if he keeps making his songs this catchy, I think I’m okay with letting him stick around, because holy hell does this little package of a song contain the most alive and freshest melodies to date.
From LM$: Pull up in the club and turn that bitch into a zoo
At least I can enjoy the Swae Lee remix of this song in peace……
Good Tier
Number 10) My Oh My- Camila Cabello ft. DaBaby
Look I’m not saying no opinions are wrong, but I just do not get the absurd amounts of hate this has gotten. You guys choose to puke over this song out of the collection of mediocrity from her sophomore album? I mean, listen to that chorus. Such stylistic choices, I’m really in! This music video is also perfect for this song, too. Looks like Camila managed to do one thing right with her late solo career.
Number 9) The Box- Roddy Ricch
I think TheDoubleAgent explained the appeal of Roddy Ricch’s talents perfectly. This song, the number #1 song of USA right now, contains like 20 different little melodies and I kid you not, every single one of those melodies are perfection.
I’m a 2020 president candidate Black but bold, baby.
Number 8) Heartless- The Weeknd (#16)
This song really got better with listening to After Hours completely, which is absolutely Abel’s best record to date and you guys better check it out it is so amazing oh my god-anyways this song is such a big boy bop
Never need a bitch I’m what a bitch needs This is the best intro a mainstream hype song has ever gotten.
Number 7) Dance Monkey- Tones & I (#15)
This is the best song Fall Out Boy’s released in years no I will not elaborate on that
Number 6) Ballin’- Mustard ft. Roddy Ricch(#21)
Ballin’ is such a happy, groovy and carefree song and I really want to love it….but the way he saysballin’……where have I heard that before….
We fly high, no lie, you know this (Ballin!) nonononononono-
Number 5) Circles- Post Malone (#5)
Topical.
Great Tier
Number 4) everything I wanted- Billie Eilish (#10)
I’m sure this song hits home hard with so many people like a warm bowl of Shoyu Ramen. For me, this song is exactly like a bowl of Shoyu Ramen, but it’s kinda lacking some of the soy sauce, just to give the broth a bit of the complexity and richness it so calls far. I’m sorry I really want Japanese and Indian food right now this Virus outbreak is depressing.
Number 3) Adore You- Harry Styles(#7)
Get someone a man who sings to you as lusciously as Harry does to his goldfish. Nah, he’s probably gonna eat it later
Number 2) Don’t Start Now- Dua Lipa (#3)
I don’t have to explain why Don’t Start Now by Dua Lipa is an amazing song. You hear that bassline, Dua’s perfectly silky voice, that last chorus. Go listen to Future Nostalgia (album). Don’t make me force you to do it. Or you could say, don’t make me star-
Number 1) Blinding Lights- The Weeknd (#2)
Of course Blinding Lights is number #1. What else could it be. I’m really happy it’s going to go to number 1 when After Hours unleashes its rage onto the Hot 100, with Don’t Start Now maybe jumping suit. A man can dream, right?….
Anyways, HEY, HEY, HEY-
Grand Total: 0+1+6+12+20+20= 63/100= Poppin! Overall, I’m quite happy with where the charts are heading now. I will say that it can get tiring to see some artists rely on the 80s throwback pop music, but it is mainly pretty good! So yeah, keep it up, and make Break Your Heart by Dua Lipa a hit please, that song is perfect. Anyways, let’s take a look at the Top 3 Songs On The Charts Right Now I Feel Deserves More Attention:
3) B.I.T.C.H- Megan Thee Stallion (#78)
Let’s give Megan that one great hit that she deserves, shall we? Not like Cardi’s gonna release another bop anytime soon, eh? (actually please prove me wrong I want to see Cardi back in the spotlight again)
Number 2) Si Veo A Tu Mama- Bad Bunny (#70)
This is probably the happiest song and best reggaeton song that’s charted in a while, so let’s get another good reggaeton hit too, shall we? …..But I didn’t say I have to highlight good songs only, did I?
Number 1) Sunday Best- Surfaces
I absolutely fucking loathe this song but I genuinely want this song to do well so that I can watch everyone tear this down to chicken shreds in their worst lists, because holy hell is this one of the worst things to chart in a long time; FUCK this is exceptional bad tier (-1 worthy)!
Take care everyone, and make sure to keep washing your hands.
Okay so for every Billboard Year, I will be following suit in trends and reviewing each Top 20 every season. The ranking will follow the same 0-5 point list, from Shit Tier to Excellent Tier. Now, this ranking took place on the week of January 11, 2020, and I still wanted to release this to just give you an insight of my thoughts of the top 20 back at the start of the year. I chose the first week after all the Christmas songs died down to make sure we had a nice healthy representation of what the popular music scene was like at that time. Not much explanation will be held here as the Spring ranking is gonna be soon, so here’s just a skim. *I have changed opinions on some of these songs from Winter to Spring, so some of these songs may be in different tiers by the Spring ranking, but these were my thoughts on these songs at the time*
Shit Tier
20) Someone You Loved- Lewis Capaldi
Bad Tier
19) Lose You To Love Me- Selena Gomez
Meh Tier
18) Memories- Maroon 5
17) HIGHEST IN THE ROOM- Travis Scott
16) No Guidance- Chris Brown ft. Drake
15) ROXANNE- Arizona Zervas
Decent Tier
14) 10, 000 Hours- Dan+Shay ft. Justin Bieber
13) Heartless- The Weeknd
12) Senorita- Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello
11) The Box- Roddy Ricch
10) BOP- DaBaby
Good Tier
9) Truth Hurts- Lizzo
8) Trampoline- SHAED
7) Ballin’- Mustard ft. Roddy Ricch
6) Bad Guy- Billie Eilish
5) Dance Monkey- Tones & I
4) Old Town Road (Remix)- Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus
3) Circles- Post Malone
Great Tier
2) Panini- Lil Nas X
Good As Hell- Lizzo
Grand Total: 0+1+4+15+28+10=58/100=Solid!
2020 got the new year off to a good, albeit safe start. Not many truly fantastic or awful songs to be big yet, but trust me, that will change by Spring. See you around.
The artist is the creator of beautiful things. To reveal art and conceal the artist is art’s aim. The critic is he who can translate into another manner or a new material his impression of beautiful things.
Pretty straight-forward. There is a tier-ranking system that many will follow when it comes to these type of rankings. So it goes from the Shit Tier, to Bad, to Meh, to Decent, to Good and then finally in Excellent. Each tier will generate a certain amount of points to a song in it. Shit Tier will award 0 points, Bad Tier awards 1 point, and then it goes up to 5 points per song in the Excellent tier. The maximum score the Year End can accumulate is a whopping 500, which is pretty fucking high, so I’m just happy with anything over the halfway mark. Let’s start off with the-
Shit Tier (0 Points)
Number 100) Robbery- Juice WRLD (#100)
Rest in Peace Jarad- Ok not talking about this song anymore see ya
Number 99) Someone You Loved- Lewis Capaldi (#27)
This guy managed to make When The Party’s Over by Billie Eillish quite possibly the most painful thing ever so yeah. Fuck him. At least Before You Go, his current charting song right now, is kinda decent.
Number 98) Money- Cardi B (#38)
Less is more, sometimes. However, this is nothing. Not even ‘less’.
Number 97) Eyes On You- Chase Rice (#96)
This dude is a Sam Hunt ripoff. Sam Hunt ripoff. How low can you get, dude?
Number 96) One Thing Right- Marshmello ft. Kane Brown (#89)
The thing that pisses me off about this creation the most is that after this song was released, Marshmello released a so-called “Late Night” remix, which is basically this song without any of the EDM stuff, and actually uses really organic and nice sounding country instrumentations. Why wasn’t that the single, instead?
Number 95) Lucid Dreams- Juice WRLD (#48)
…..I said Rest In Peace
Number 94) Act Up- City Girls (#68)
I just realised how offbeat Yung Miami went on her verse……Jesus what a waste of potential
Number 93) Swervin’- A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie ft. 6ix9ine (#82)
More like “Snorin'” am I right…….it’s boring
Number 92) Baby- Lil Baby ft. DaBaby(#84)
I have never heard a beat so headache-inducing in all my life FUCK. And speaking of babies…..
Number 91) Baby Shark- Pinkfong (#75)
This actually will probably be tolerable to me……in about a year’s time.
Bad Tier (1 Points)
Number 90) Leave Me Alone- Flipp Dinero (#71)
This guy actually can have a pretty good flow but like….don’t sing ever again
Number 89) Mo Bamba- Sheck Wes (#49)
Oh. Fuck. Shit! BITCH! YEEEEEEEE
Number 88) Girls Like You- Maroon 5 ft. Cardi B (#22)
After an entire decade of mediocrity, even I find it sad that this is probably Maroon 5’s biggest ever hit. Damn.
Number 87) 7 Rings- Ariana Grande (#7)
I see it, I hear it, I don’t like it, I…..turn it off
Number 86) Envy Me- Calboy (#59)
What the hell is a Calboy…..
Number 85) Close Friends- Lil Baby (#74)
What the hell is a Lil Baby R&B Song
Number 84) Taki Taki- DJ Snake ft. Cardi B, Selena Gomez, Ozuna (#57)
What the hell is a Taki…..oh. It means nothing? That’s an accurate way of describing those last few songs
Number 83) Beer Never Broke My Heart- Luke Combs (#63)
Damn who knew the closest thing we’d had to a country-rock hit this year would be this bad?
Number 82) Without Me- Halsey
I don’t really find this as awful as people say at all but…..third biggest hit of the year? That’s disappointing. Also, please check out Diamond Axe Studios’ parody of this song in his Year-End ranking it is genuinely hilarious
Number 81) Be Alright- Dean Lewis
This guy sings like he has a mouth full of vegemite
Number 80) I Don’t Care- Ed Sheeran ft. Justin Bieber (#16)
Okay neither do I but…I really did not expect this song to be this high on so many people’s worst lists. I mean….Fantano considers this one of the top 10 worst songs of the year in general? Talk about easy targeting, I mean I don’t like this song too but it’s not repulsive sounding? In fact I’d consider it pretty near the:
Meh Tier(2)
Number 79) The Git Up- Blanco Brown (#56)
This man is lucky that this song gets off scot-free on being way too catchy because holy hell do I really want to tear into this song more than I physically can….these adlibs sound like he’s dying Jesus have some fun! Isn’t that the point of your own song?
Number 78) ZEZE- Kodak Black ft. Offset, Travis Scott
If this song was like a minute shorter, it’d probably be Kodak Black’s best song by a mile.
It’s not, but it probably still is, FUCK
Number 77) Only Human- Jonas Brothers (#78)
You try to dance to this, goddammit.
Number 76) Thotiana- Blueface(#47)
I don’t hate Blueface yet but holy shit literally everything he’s released after this song has been pretty shit. And considering his new stuff is more on-beat, I’d rather him stick to making horribly stupid songs to stupidly horrible songs.
Number 75) Shotta Flow- NLE Choppa (#92)
I’m still not certain this guy exists, but eh. This song kinda hits hard for how forgettable it is
Number 74) Ransom- Lil Tecca (#28)
Chris Evans did it better.
Number 73) break up with your girlfriend, I’m bored- Ariana Grande (#36)
Filthy as fuck, but I can kinda vibe with this beat.
Number 72) MIA- Bad Bunny ft. Drake(#44)
Man, this reggaeton song sure does exist, doesn’t it?
Number 71) Talk You Out Of It- Florida Georgia Line(#94)
How are you going to tell me that this song, which peaked only at #57, was more popular than songs like Lover or Good As Hell this year? Jeez
Number 70) Knockin’ Boots- Luke Bryan (#79)
I want to punch Luke Bryan’s face so badly
Number 69) Whiskey Glasses- Morgan Wallen (#52)
Okay, now that we’ve gotten two of the more controversial country hits this year, let’s continue the chain: Man, this country song sure does exist, doesn’t it?
Number 68) Look Back At It- A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie (#41)
Man, this trap song…sure does confuses me, doesn’t it?
Number 67) Worth It- YK Osiris (#77)
Aight; Man, this A Boogie ripoff sure does exist, doesn’t he?
Number 66) You Say- Lauren Daigle (#60)
Man, this song sure does exist, doesn’t it?
Number 65) Wake Up In The Sky- Gucci Mane, Bruno Mars, Kodak Black (#51)
Man, this ripoff of Young, Wild and Free sure does exist, doesn’t it?
Number 64) No Guidance- Chris Brown ft. Drake (#21)
Man, Chris Brown and Drake sure do exist, don’t they-
Decent Tier (3)
Number 63) You Need To Calm Down- Taylor Swift (#39)
Lover was a great album. This is easily the second weakest song….points for LGBTQ representation, I guess?
Number 62) My Type- Saweetie (#76)
It’s fun!….I guess
Number 61) Clout- Offset ft. Cardi B(#87)
Hypnotic, but ultimately doesn’t really leave much on an impact. This is Cardi’s best verse on this Year-End, though……shit
Number 60) MIDDLE CHILD- J.Cole (#25)
Fine, but instead of pouring something into his cup, Cole sounds like he just poured his cup.
Number 59) Murder On My Mind- YNW Melly
YNW Melly.
Number 58) Rumor- Lee Brice (#81)
The sentiment of this song is pretty silly. “Hey girl, there’s a rumor that we’re in love so…..wanna be in love?” At least it’s sincere sounding enough to not make it sound like a Florida Georgia Line sentiment 🙂
Number 57) Close To Me- Ellie Goulding, Diplo ft. Swae Lee (#58)
Fun Fact: This song debut on the first week of the Billboard Year for 2019. Besides that….the song’s actually pretty fun but like…there’s a reason why people don’t seem to remember this as much.
Number 56) The London- Young Thug ft. Travis Scott, J. Cole(#64)
The goose and the godfather fuck around while the god plays his hand.
Never make me refer to J.Cole as the godfather, ever again, even if it’s kinda his image.
Number 55) Going Bad- Meek Mill ft. Drake(#18)
That thing Drake does in the chorus which makes it seems like he’s choking on a gumball may have very well been attempted sabotage, but I don’t know; it’s my favourite part of his verse…..slaspksjang
Number 54) Drip Too Hard- Lil Baby ft. Gunna(#26)
You know, for all the shit we’ve given these two all year, at least we can all agree that their first collaboration together was actually like….good.
Number 53) Please Me- Cardi B ft. Bruno Mars (#37)
Cardi must have fed Bruno too much horchata.
Number 52) All To Myself- Dan+Shay (#97)
Another one of those songs which probably shouldn’t have made it onto the Year End, but hey, at least it’s pretty pleasant.
Number 51) Suge- DaBaby (#24)
What a stand-out personality, too bad he wasted it on too heavy of a beat. But KIRK was an improvement, though. Hope this dude has longevity
Number 50) thank u, next- Ariana Grande (#12)
Breaking into the top half of this list we have….our first number #1 of the year!…yay? Look, I appreciate how personal this song was for Ariana, and I do think it’s solid. But, just like the album this was on, it just didn’t resonate with me as much as it should have.
Number 49) Con Calma- Daddy Yankee & Katy Perry ft. Snow (#65)
The Katy Perry remix is better than the original and I will fight anyone who disagrees
Number 48) Better Now- Post Malone (#32)
As an artist, I can safely say that Post Malone is better, now!…..this song is not
Number 47) Good As You- Kane Brown (#86)
Pre cute, but, again, this actually made it to the top 80 of the Year End? Really??
Number 46) Trip- Ella Mai (#80)
Clean, nice, listenable, approved!
Number 45) Pure Water- Mustard ft. Migos (#55)
UH- Quavo 2019
Number 44) Pop Out- Polo G ft. Lil Tjay (#45)
I still struggle to decide which artist I prefer on this song.
Number 43) Happier- Marshmello ft. Bastille (#6)
Actually pretty good sounding, but not for the reasons intended. I mean, this song is about a breakup, the music video consists of a dying dog, and the song is so upbeat and bright. So yeah, it got brought down a little due to both artists not actually understanding the accurate mood of the song….
Number 42) Senorita- Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello (#15)
Another one of those songs which I don’t understand the absurd hate that it’s gotten. At this point, people seem to hate this song just for the sake on hating on their relationship…which is reasonable but it has nothing to do with the song, which is fine. Also at the time of writing this it is currently Camila’s birthday so…happy birthday !
Number 41) Love Lies- Khalid & Normani (#88)
Billboard rules are weird
Number 40) Cash Shit- Megan Thee Stallion ft. DaBaby (#90) Another song where the performances are outstanding, but they choose to waste it over a stupid beat…..jeez
Number 39) Money In The Grave- Drake ft. Rick Ross (#34)
2014 Drake has been revived and I like it! But not as much as the songs in the:
Good Tier(4)
Number 38) breathin’- Ariana Grande (#72)
This song would resonate hard if I struggled with depression…I don’t but it’s still nice sounding!
Number 37) Beautiful Crazy- Luke Combs (#46)
It’s good country music. What else do you need?
Number 36) Beautiful- Bazzi & Camila Cabello (#95)
This song makes me realise that Camila should really work with other artists more often. Her hits like Havana, My Oh My, and this? All good to great songs! The lead singles to her sophomore release like Shameless, Liar, Living Proof? Not good!
Number 35) Sucker- Jonas Brothers (#10)
This song wasn’t even the best song on Happiness Begins, but my god did I hope that their career rollout this year would follow in this direction, rather than Only Human’s.
Number 34) Eastside- Benny Blanco ft. Halsey, Khalid (#17)
Honestly for me, this song just misses the mark on being excellent as some of the mixing and vocal production in the chorus really doesn’t sound that smooth, but this is probably the hit where everyone can agree is good, and that’s not a bad thing to be.
Number 33) Truth Hurts- Lizzo (#13)
I was going to say something about this being underwhelming as Lizzo’s most popular hit this year as she’s done so much for pop music in 2019, but a) this song was released in 2017, b) Good As Hell exists and is better, c) the song’s good anyways, therefore d) I have no idea what I’m talking about
Number 32) Walk Me Home- P!nk (#99)
I liked The Greatest Showman fine, but this is better than most of the soundtrack, and that’s a good thing! Also, The Greatest Showman Reimagined was a thing and P!nk made a cover for that too so…..jeez what a weird phenomenon
Number 31) Sweet But Psycho- Ava Max (#23)
It still kinda hurts me a little on the inside that Ava Max spent her entire career after this remaking the same song over and over again. Even if some of those songs did turn out better than Sweet But Psycho.
Check out Torn it’s a good song, it reminds me of Mamma Mia-
Number 30) Beautiful People- Ed Sheeran ft. Khalid (#50)
This turned people off for how sour the sentiment seemed to them, but fuck it if this isn’t one of the most swooping and graceful songs of the year.
Number 29) Look What God Gave Her- Thomas Rhett(#85)
Thomas: God bless God for giving my girl dat ass God: You’re Welcome Thomas *chanting*: JESUS, JESUS, JESUS, JESUS, JE-
Number 28) Boyfriend- Ariana Grande & Social House (#98)
How is it that the best Ariana hit this year was the least-good performing? By a longshot? And why are The Chainsmokers on the track too-
Number 27) Better- Khalid (#20) You guys are so going to kill me to see what song made it above this song.
Number 26) Talk- Khalid, Disclosure (#8)
For real, I still am disappointed that this song was the bigger hit over Better, even if I do think this song is slightly towards my tastes more. Because this new Khalid direction is not looking great for him. Eleven is just straight up bad, and while Up All Night and the next Disclosure collab were pre good, it’s just not the Khalid we all want.
Number 25) Wow.- Post Malone (#5)
Post Malone should be a comedy rapper, part-time. His OldMacdonald parody in the style of Migos is absolute gold.
Number 24) Hot Girl Summer- Megan Thee Stallion ft. Nicki Minaj, Ty Dolla $ign (#93)
To those people that complain about Ty doing the hook on a female anthem, I counter with the fact that he sounds fucking beautiful over this beat.
Number 23) Trampoline- SHAED (#70)
The Zayn remix should have never existed.
Number 22) Hey Look Ma, I Made It- Panic! At The Disco (#61)
This song is absolutely The Rise of Skywalker of songs, as High Hopes is The Last Jedi. The second instalment of the franchise, obviously more controversial, tons of strong opinions on it, while the third one tries to fix the issues the previous one created, by turning it into a more underwhelming, even safe product. And it’s standard-less chads like me who still tolerate it due to it being fun. I was perfectly fine with The Rise of Skywalker, and I like Hey Look Ma, I Made it even more. Sue me.
Number 21) Speechless- Dan+Shay (#35)
Sure, Dan+Shay have gotten considerably worse with every subsequent single. But just let me enjoy this while I still can, please?
Number 20) a lot- 21 Savage (ft. J.Cole) (#42)
This got better every time I listened to it. No, I’m still not head over heels over it like most are (I do find it too meandering in sound at times), but I do appreciate what it’s done.
21 Savage should totally collaborate with Post Malone more, though. They bring out the best of each other, kinda.
Number 19) God’s Country- Blake Shelton (#53)
JESUS, JESUS, JESU-
Number 18) Bad Guy- Billie Eilish (#4)
Nothing more iconic this year sound-wise than the rumbling bass kicking off the song. Also, the Bieber remix is fun you guys have fun
Number 17) SICKO MODE- Travis Scott (#9)
It’s lit!
Number 16) If I Can’t Have You- Shawn Mendes(#29)
There’s Nothing Holding Me Back, without the rock edge, and a gospel choir and horns added. Good stuff!
Number 15) Circles- Post Malone (#62)
We put Garbageman in a suit of armour and it’s absolutely stunning with what he did with it
Number 14) ME!- Taylor Swift ft. Brendon Urie (#43)
Contentious of me, I know. But it’s okay! To all of you anti-Swifties, I can promise that you’ll never find a song like this in the:
Excellent Tier (5)
Number 13) How Do You Sleep?- Sam Smith (#83)
Best chorus of this man’s career. Even the high-pitched squeals make this song complete now. What a banger
Number 12) Old Town Road (Remix)- Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus (#1)
I like The Box, but I want this to be the longest running number #1 song forever. This song is timeless AF
Number 11) Tequila- Dan+Shay (#91)
Once you set the bar so high, there’s rarely much you can do to overcome that bar. Dan+Shay probably won’t make a song as breathtaking as this in a long time
Number 10) I Like It- Cardi B ft. J Balvin, Bad Bunny (#69)
The same probably goes for Cardi, but I hope there’s one really great smash hit from Tiger Woods coming our way
Number 9) Shallow- Lady Gaga ft. Bradley Cooper (#19)
Lady Gaga joins the MCU in 2021.
Number 8) Panini- Lil Nas X (#40)
Hi there, Billboard. I’d like to order a panini, size ‘Lil’, with Gouda, sauteed mushrooms, fried onions, and a crap ton of rocket. In fact, make it a mean one. I’m starving (this would be my ideal Panini, by the way. This song lacks a bit of rocket, but makes up with it with a shit ton of butter in the mushrooms ok I dunno what I’m talking about at this rate)
Number 7) Youngblood- 5 Seconds Of Summer (#33)
Dammit 2019’s gonna spoil my 2018 best list.
Number 6) High Hopes- Panic! At The Disco (#11)
Bring back Ryan Ross you hacks
Number 5) bury a friend- Billie Eilish (#73)
This could be a great credit song for A Quiet Place II.
Number 4) Dancing With A Stranger- Sam Smith ft. Normani (#14)
Warm, elegant, amazing.
Number 3) Goodbyes- Post Malone ft. Young Thug (#30)
Apparently Post Malone seems to be ill from his recent performance-states. I can’t tell whether he’s not okay, or if people are just overreacting, but let’s hope we don’t say [G*****e] to him.
Number 2) Sunflower- Post Malone ft. Swae Lee (#2)
The best theme song to the best movie. Although Elevate still kicks ass to the best credits scene of the best movie.
Number 1) when the party’s over- Billie Eilish (#67)
Perfection.
Grand Total
10 Shit Tier (0*10)=0 11 Bad tier (1*11)=11 16 Meh Tier (2*16)=32 26 Decent Tier (3*26)=78 25 Good Tier (4*25)= 100 13 Great Tier (5*13)= 65 0+11+32+78+100+65= 286/500 57.2%
Overall, 2019 was quite a fascinating year for the charts, and the Year-End is filled with a lot of gems I’m happy became so popular. I will say that some songs should have been way bigger than they were, and Billboard’s rules are kinda getting lame at this point, but that doesn’t detract from the overall quality of the music. 2020 seems to be going into a similar lane of quality, so let’s hope it stays that way:)
This is going to be so much more fun. Don’t we all just enjoy talking about stuff that we like more than we don’t? That’s what we’ll be doing today, and 2019 honestly gave us a lot of songs to like! It was a fresh year from their dull, but mainly tolerable year that was 2018. New, talented artists dominated the mainstream, knocking out other old and forgotten acts, and there were remixes being slapped back and forth, both good and bad! However, if there was one flaw in the year, it would have been Billboard’s chart tracking system decisions, which ended one week earlier than it should have. This lead to a lot of great songs being left out of the year-end, so I do apologise in advance if some of the songs here didn’t quite make the Year-End. But they were all hits by my criteria! (which is to peak in the top 40) So, let’s get straight into the good stuff!
Number 10
I feel that the XXL Freshman class is something that we usually like to follow every year, but it doesn’t actually do much for the music industry, besides raise awareness for upcoming rappers (I could be totally wrong about this don’t fire me). I mean, 2018’s class consisted of Lil Pump, who had a flop from a shitty album, BlocBoy JB, who was only a thing that year, Smokepurpp, who hasn’t been a thing, period, and the good ones like J.I.D and Ski Mask The Slump God don’t have that much chart success. Trippie Redd was the most successful after 2018, I guess, but he still hasn’t had a real hit. So, how can we make these XXL performances of interest, or of positivity to us?
Sample them in your song.
Number 10) Cross Me- Ed Sheeran ft. Chance The Rapper, Pnb Rock
Peak: #25, Year End Position: n/a
Man, did Ed and Chance not have great years, did they? I mean, the former did get two sizeable hits with I Don’t Care and Beautiful People, which weren’t exactly amongst the most beloved songs of the year from the overall public. His album was terribly received too, with many people calling it a failed experimental mess and so on. I mean, RateYourMusic is usually pretty harsh on him, but 1.59/5.0 of an average score out of over a thousand ratings? That’s brutal, even for his standards!
I’d argue Chance had it even worse! Sure, I’d say people still see him as the more talented artist, but at least Ed Sheeran didn’t flop that hard! The second closest thing Chance had as a hit this year was Hot Shower, from his album “The Big Day”, universally known as his worst project, and even if I disagree on that statement, I can say that Hot Shower is still hot garbage.
And the Number 1 closest thing he had to a hit? A pop-verse on a fuzzy, experimental 2019 Ed Sheeran style beat, with a chopped up Pnb Rock sample. But honestly, to me, this song takes both of the things that people hated about both Ed and Chance this year, that being the former’s uninspired new lane of synth-pop, and the latter’s cheesy mainstream verses, and makes them sound great. I personally liked both of their outputs today, so this is even better for me! The overall sound of this song is just really fun and upbeat. That beat is just so….intriguing. It’s poppy enough to be mainstream-accessible, but there’s just something to it’s rhythm which is so enticingly fun, which is really something Ed has never worked with before.
Ed Sheeran rides these melodies as smooth as a cast-iron pan, too. This is not something I’d associate with his comfort zone, but he sounds like he’s in the zone, here, he just kills it! And I un-ironically love that chopped-up Pnb Rock sample too. Sure the fact that he’s talking about wifing his sister may been uncomfortable, but to be honest, I don’t really care about what these guys are saying. I just know that I’m listening to a really fun track. I love what they did with his freestyle line; they chop it up for the main foundation of the hook, and then it just explodes into the main hook; it’s an immaculate moment of pop music in 2019.
Chance is also pretty solid too! With just enough charisma and ridiculousness in his kung-fu bars, he’s just a delight to hear on this, and it’s just an infectious verse, at that. Both of the main artists here may not have had the most successful or well-acclaimed years, but that’s not going to take away from this song. Pew! Kungpow!
Number 9
There was this guy who broke through big, this year. He’s young of age, sure, but ever since his first successful hit, there was just an aura of confidence about him which solidified his place in this industry. He knew exactly the type of music he wanted to make, and he already made a great impact, by seeming like the most carefree guy ever. Sure, that hit may have took a while to grow on me, and his project this year wasn’t great, but if there was one artist who ruled 2019, I can only lead you to one man, one king, one optimist.
Whistle me in.
Number 9) Panini- Lil Nas X
Peak Position: #5, Year End Position: #40
Honestly, though, this man has just kept finding different ways to keep us entertained ever since he broke through with Old Town Road, which is also another fantastic track for the record. He makes a remix of said song with Hannah Montana’s dad, keeps it up there for 19 weeks, and simultaneously proves his artistic longevity with his audience by being our Twitter Bro. He then remixes it again with Young Thug and Yodelling Kid, give that remix an Anthony Fantano based music video, gets the head member from only the most popular K-Pop band in the world on the 5th remix, and then, according to the VMAs or something, he would go on to lead the world 1000 years later (which is going to happen, by the way; this man shall live on), and then proceeds to go on hiatus……to only make a comeback with quite possibly the most wholesome performance the Grammys’ have had in some time, and then makes a remix of his third single with Big Nas. Who even is this man?
But nothing made me smile more this year than the perfect little melodies that Panini encapsulates. 115 seconds of pure enjoyment, and that enjoyment is something I took with me throughout this year. Everything about this song is crafted for my enjoyment, really. The beat of the compressed farts and whistling is so simple, but has the catchiest melody ever, and it just never escapes my head. Lil Nas X is always a fun and fairly charismatic performer as usual, and he just sings these melodies with such joy and contentment, which is something that I like to hear. And once that Nirvana-interpolation of a chorus kicks in….boy do I lose it. It’s just an absolutely soaring moment of pure pop-music perfection. This is exactly how a pop song should be structured. This songs speaks to us too, with it’s condemnations of stan-culture, and how it can affect the decisions of the artist involved. Not only is this a song audiences like I can love, it’s a song we can also relate to.
And that’s just it! Less than 2 minutes, sure, but that is all is needed to make this one of the most replayable songs of the year. I will say, with it being this short, it could easily use something more just to kick off into much higher territory. Of course, I appreciate and adore the simplicity and catchiness of it, but this could have honestly been so much grandiose, with what we were given. The DaBaby remix helped of course, with him getting a very well-structured verse to give it more legs, but I honestly prefer his VMA performance of this song more, with the beat transforming midway, resulting in a final, more soaring, less tense chorus. But with the product we have now, I can’t complain. I’m not going to be a meanie about it.
Also this is my favourite music video of the year. It just……I love this man.
Number 8
Sometimes, people fail to tell the difference between the ‘best’ and a ‘favourite’. Being the ‘best’ at something is something that is objective; the best song can have the most well-sung performances, excellent instrumentals, and delivers it’s key message extremely well. That proves that you’re an artist who knows what you’re doing, and you standardise it. But more often than not, I tend to put my ‘favourite’ songs ahead when I get the chance. You know, personal influences can just make me see some other things in a different light, and that’s a healthy mindset! You don’t have to be the most well-rounded song, or thing, in general, to be something well-liked.
And trust me, this next song is totally here due to some events that happened personally that lifted this song up for me. This will absolutely be a ‘controversial’ pick too. Not a universally hated song, but one that’s universally disagreed on. So, while I agree that this song isn’t perfect, by any means, it does so, so, so many things right.
Number 8) High Hopes- Panic! At The Disco
Peak Position: #4, Year End Position: #11
I guess this is also the point where I mention that Panic! At The Disco is probably one of my favourite bands, too. Their career has been a rollercoaster ride of genre-blending, and honestly, most of their records have been great, to outright fantastic! So, listening to Pray For The Wicked, I found it very, very, very……underwhelming. I can probably take half of this album and call it a great project, but the other half is just plain bad, containing some of their ugliest and most overblown songs to date. Handily their worst project.
And while High Hopes is not exactly the best track on it, or my favourite too for the matter, this song is still pretty special in my eyes. I’ll get this out of the way first; this is absolutely a victim to the new Panic! method of overblowing stuff too hard. The chorus is just a detonation of horns, trumpets, every single percussion element used, rainbows, unicorns, lasagna; it’s a train-wreck sure, and I also will admit that the song doesn’t pay off from the climax built as well; the final chorus is just a little stilted instrumentation-wise, and could have been more epic.
But still, I have not seen anyone be this confident in a self-empowerment anthem. You’ve got to give Brendon Urie this; sure this idea may be a total sellout move, but at least this song goes all out me. It’s loud and abrasive, but it doesn’t shove ‘be empowered’ in your face, like songs like Fight Song and Stronger do. There’s just something so sincere about the way this song sounds, and the way Brendon sings it. The verses are just so clean, and elegant (totally not representative of this song’s sound, by the way), with those strings accompanying those heavenly melodies. It doesn’t just sound empowering, it sounds heavenly. This is Brendon singing from the upmost layers of the clouds, telling you to fulfil the prophecy, or whatever.
The pre-chorus, too, is one of my favourite moments of music this year. The sparkling keys tinkle it like a fountain in a majestic 5 star hotel, and the build-up just resonates with me extremely well, ya know? There’s just so much earnest and pure joy in this little moment of the song; this is an empowerment anthem, which makes you feel confident in yourself; it really gives you high hop-
And honestly, the song really lives up to the title really well. You can’t have great expectations in life, if you don’t believe in them, first. That was, I guess, something I learned throughout the course in this song. If you shoot for the stars, you can do whatever you want if you put your mind to it. That’s the Apollo theory or something. The point is, we don’t get enough pump-up anthems nowadays, and it was such a breath of fresh air to have something so optimistic and self-assured to become such a big hit near the end of 2018, also made better by the fact that it came from one of my favourite bands. It’s not perfect, or even one of their top 10 best songs sure, but sometimes, you don’t need to strive for perfection. You just need to have high hopes for yourself.
Number 7
Sometimes, though, simplicity is key.
Number 7) Even Though I’m Leaving- Luke Combs
Peak Position: #11, Year-End Position: n/a (fingers crossed for 2020!)
Just to trail back to optimistic empowerment anthems, Good As Hell by Lizzo will not be making this list. Not because I don’t love the song or anything, I do, but it’s probably going to make 2020’s year end anyways, so I’ll reserve a space for the best list there for another anthem. The state of this song’s chart run, right now, is shaky. As I’m writing this, the Justin Bieber album bomb may just knock this back into recurring, and make it caught between this years.
So, I’m not taking any risks and I’m gonna place it right here, where it belongs. As I said, this is just an excellent country song, plain and simple. It’s well-performed by Luke Combs, who’s always managed to have a certain, sincere warmth to him, when he does these types of songs. The instrumentation, while nothing extravagant, is very organic country music-like, with the twinkling acoustic guitar strums, the boxy, but alive drums; the short guitar solo in the bridge is also simple, actually being lead by those acoustic guitars, and it’s just a very sincere sounding tune overall.
I also like the subject matter of this song. It’s not uncommon to have topics of son-to-father conversations in country music, but this is probably one of the best examples to become popular in a while. This time, Luke Combs is the big daddy, and he tells a heart-warming story of his son trying to grow up independently, and the sound really translates it too. Just from my first listen, I know that this was something special, even without paying attention to the lyrics. The song just gravitates with precious, glimmering love.
Some people may consider this song fairly safe, which isn’t inaccurate. The sound of this song really isn’t going too far with it’s theme, and actually sounds fairly similar to some of the above average tunes that may be played in shopping malls occasionally. It doesn’t have to be. It just performs what it has to performs, and it does that very well. In the end, it still manages to be something quite special, and definitely a highlight in Luke Combs’ career. Nice job:)
Number 6
*cue footsteps* Fun Fact: Billie Eilish was 17 years of age when she made this song. How about that?
Number 6) bury a friend- Billie Eilish
Peak Position: #14, Year End Position: #73
At the time this was released, this was probably one of the most polarising and ground-breaking songs to debut at the top 20. This probably solidified the fact that 2019 would be a very, very different year for music than 2018, and honestly, that was for good reason too because….this is something that I would not ever expect to debut so high, let alone chart at all!
If there was one word to describe this song, it would definitely be dark, but in a very concise and intentional manner. This is so intricately designed to creep me out, which not only does it do very successfully, but all the elements here are just so…..perfectly into place. The footsteps used as a main percussion line, along with the bass, gives the song a rumbling edge and pacing that just keeps on going and going. There are so many details here that add onto the tension built with the creaks, the out-of-nowhere screeches, the deep, reverbed voices going ‘Billie’ and ‘Come in’, the squeaking synth-lines; everything is just so fantastically spine-chilling.
There’s also this period of space between the pre-chorus and the actual chorus, where we get some of the deadliest screeches and synths I’ve ever head in a pop song, especially in the second time. Those are some wack sound effects you’d get for like an established horror film, not a Hot 100 hit! That little 20 second moment is super dark, for sure, but also very stunning in a way too, which I do admire a lot. Keep in mind, this was her highest peaking hit before Bad Guy and even Everything I Wanted. Not her best charting song yet, but we’ll get to that later:)
A lot of people may also choose Bad Guy and the other song over bury a friend for the best lists, probably because the other two are less to handle, seeing that this is an immensely dark song. Well, I’d argue that the melodies are also really catchy here! Especially with that chorus. Not only is this song dark and spoopy-loopy, but it’s also like, somewhat replayable too, which is an impressive feat.
I mean, it’s bury a friend by Billie Eilish. Of course it’s great.
Number 5
You know as a South-East Asian kid, I always wondered when the time would be before this happened. And of course, it happened in the crazy year that was 2019; the day I finally put a K-Pop song on my best list.
Number 5) Boy With Luv- BTS ft. Halsey
Peak Position: #8, Year-End Position: N/a
You have no idea how big the K-Pop fandoms here in Malaysia, and even South-East Asia. And let me get this clear, the BTS stans are mainly the teenage girls; I’m not stereotyping, take it for granted. The guys tend to prefer TWICE or BLACKPINK or even other less popular groups like EXO. But anyways, I actually did not hear much residual hype for this song before it was released, such as other big singles such as Mic Drop or DNA or even IDOL, but all of a sudden, this became BTS’ most played song on the radio.
And while Halsey is absolutely a contributing factor, I think the main reason was that this is probably their best charting single yet, Halsey being a contributing factor too! I mean, I do wish that the radio version didn’t make it so Halsey covered all the choruses, the last one being slightly less climatic from the great pacing of the song. It doesn’t suit the message at all! Halsey’s supposed to act as the girl they’re in love with; if you put her everywhere, there’s a lack of balance. However, the good versions have Halsey actually fair off pretty well against the Bangtan members. Great chemistry, she fits the cleaner beat well, and she sounds like she’s having fun for once!
But it’s really the rest of the song that elevates it to excellence much more. I don’t think the guys have had a beat this glossy, comfortable, accompanied with such a nice, smooth guitar groove too. The strings at the pre-chorus too are also elegant and fun; look, this is pure bubble-gum pop music, but it’s really also quite a mature direction for the boys too. Other of their past singles did have a lot of production issues, which didn’t really bring out their smoothness as well; Mic Drop, which I like a lot, had quite too many adlips and beeping synths, IDOL was just a fucking mess, Fake Love’s beat, while smoky, didn’t quite match their vocals too. This one is clean, and just very suitable for the boys.
Speaking of them boys, their verses are very well structured too. I’d recommend watching Mr 96’s, another talented music critic, review on Boy With Luv. He breaks it down very well. I’ll do my best to explain it, but for more foreign listeners, this would probably a song where you can actually tell the members apart well. The more subtle singers like Jimin and V start it off much more softer and cleaner, then we get a much more light and fun rap verse in between, and then RM closes it off with a cool, but admittedly forgettable last verse, but still, all of them have tons of personality.
Boy With Luv, while not quite getting there, is so far the closest thing we’ve had to a K-Pop smash hit in a while, ever since Gangnam Style, which was only a novelty. I hope that this song becomes the bridge between mainstream pop music, and other foreign genres of pop music, because there seems to be so much out there that the public are sleeping on. I’d recommend Breakthrough by TWICE. It’s a great, New-Jack Swing like listen. Check out more K-Pop with an open mind, once you can get behind the rather….irrational fanbases.
Number 4
Sam Smith is, and always has been, a talented singer. Not the most versatile, but he did have an impressive range. It’s just such a shame that he wasted it on disposable and mediocre ballads early on his career. Nobody cares about Stay With Me, or Lay Me down now, let’s be honest. While his second album did show some signs of artistic progression, it still wasn’t by much.
So, on Sam Smith burnout, I was unashamedly watching his Carpool Karaoke episode with infamous James Corden, and he mentioned that he was a massive Fifth Harmony stan, who would then join him later in the car, and make him shit his pants. Sam Smith, working with Fifth Harmony? How would that every work out well?
Number 4) Dancing With A Stranger- Sam Smith ft. Normani
Peak Position: #7, Year End Position: #14
See, Sam Smith has always worked really well when he collaborated with much more electronic-based producers. His two Disclosure collaborations turned out great, and his feature on that Calvin Harris song not released long before this also was really good! Now, he has total control over this beat, and honest to god, this is probably better than most of those songs combined. I’ll say it now, this has the best production/music of the entire year. The warped, soulful synth-lead beat is just so warm and comforting. It’s like arriving home after a long winter day, and tucking into a nice warm bowl of Laksa. Of course, if we had winter in Malaysia. Maybe after being in a tight, air-conditioned to fuck classroom for 80 minutes, and then getting hit in the face with a sweaty football, and then you embrace the sun and go out to kick that sweaty ball even more. That sounds more accurate.
With the slight touches of guitar, bells and the surprisingly really punchy drums kicking into the chorus, this is the type of production that Sam Smith has seemed to have been searching for, for the entirety of his career. Of course, any artist should be happy if given such a perfect beat, but this is specifically made for modern-day Sam Smith. The man handles this song so well, too. Nowadays, he’s seemed to develop this very likeable composure in his delivery, instead of bawling it out on other of his older songs. This is no exception of that; he enters this song so smooth and reserved, and with such swagger too! I was blown away by his performance the first time I listened to this; it’s god amazing how much he’s progressed as an artist. Some people also get throwbacks to the way, mainly fact, that he starts off the chorus with “Look what you made me do”, quite possibly getting horrid flashbacks to that Taylor Swift…thing two years back. I don’t give a fuck whether it references one of her worst songs, the way he utters that line is utterly fantastic.
Speaking of smooth as hell, Normani was quite possibly the best member from Fifth Harmony he could have gotten. She was by far one of the best performers there, and she continues to excel here too. I wasn’t quite won over by Love Lies with Khalid a year back; I just found Khalid’s delivery a little too rough on the verses, and the melodies in the main chorus really aren’t the most interesting. Here, Normani underplays it even more than she did on Love Lies, which is great because she just sounds incredible on here! She is literally the butter to Sam Smith’s croissant.
Honestly, what makes this song so much more satisfying is that it was released by Sam Smith. I always saw so much potential in him, and this is him exceeding from a career with an average score of B- to C+ songs, to an A++. With other great next singles like How Do You Sleep?, and even To Die For, I really am excited for what Sam Smith manages to do next, because this is quite possibly the best route he could have led his career in.
Number 3
Hey, guys. Did you hear? Billie was only 16 when she made this! Believe that.
Number 3- when the party’s over- Billie Eilish
Peak Position: #29, Year End Position: #67
Honestly, what is there to be praised, or even to say about this song that hasn’t been done so by so many other critics and fans alike? This is universally probably one of the most acclaimed hit songs we’ve had in a while, and once you attempt to dig deep into this song, it’s easy to see why.
You see, the song could easily come off as a really sad anthem. The tinkling piano keys in the second verse are super sombre, the main foundation of the beat is based on these hymns and soft, delicate backing vocals. Billie, being a very gentle and emotive performer, naturally, obviously sounds god-amazing here; this girl honestly can do no wrong, I swear to God. All of these elements combined just makes for a really depressing, but soothing and honestly sombre listen.
But Billie described this song to be more ‘angry’ than ‘depressing’. And honestly, looking into it, it kinda does make sense too. Have you looked at these lyrics? “Tore my shirt to stop you bleedin’, but nothing ever stops you leavin’ “. “I’ll call you when the party’s over”. That’s something you say when you’re mad at someone, not in a supposedly sad way, deferring from it’s sound. This is not Billie at a sad point in her career; this is her at a frustrated point; she’s being treated like shit, but she ultimately gives in too much, because she cares about him.
Look, this song is still depressing, no matter how you look at it. With deep, well-translated subject matter, an extremely sombre yet heart-breaking performance from both Billie and FINNEAS, this is quite possibly the best song to become a hit this year. Yeah, I said it. I’m not sure if the songs I’m gonna reveal after this will ever be as well-crafted as this is. But, as we’ve established, there’s a clear difference between the ‘best’ and the ‘favourite’. Sure, when the party’s over is extremely well-made, immaculate, terrific, perfect, even. But it didn’t really define my year as some of these other songs have, and I have not gone back to it a lot, which is fine, considering the song’s manner. Still an excellent song, but there are two more songs which I feel personally did it for me more.
Or are there?
Number 2
If I were to name a break-out star this year who managed to be an absolute gem, or just define 2019 as a whole, there are many names I could lead you to. Exhibit A), and probably the best choice more often than not, is Lil Nas X; a fun, outgoing personality who would just never cease to break a smile, no matter what he did. There was Billie Eilish; another young one, who just showed so much control and artistic merit of her vision of music. Lizzo, booming, abrasive, but warm and tons of personality. DaBaby, who just put every other trap-rapper in their place with his immense flows and charisma. Megan Thee Stallion, double-downing on the barrier that Cardi B broke for female rappers mainstream. Tons of great names. But one man managed to just stand out, and every single hit of his just resonate with so much importance. Mainly because they were huge, but also because they were all really good. Ladies, and gents, if there’s one artist who I would place my trust in defining this next decade of pop music, I lead you to Post Malone
The man had 5 top ten hits this year, excluding Better Now, the carry-over from last-year, and every single one of them has just been just so exuberant, rich and dwelling in artistic progression from his dreadful debut album. And, let me ask you this, how can we possibly celebrate this man’s destined career by only looking at one song of his?
You can’t.
Number 2) Post Malone
5 Top Ten Hits in 2019, 4 Year End Positions
Number 2a) Circles (Peak Position: #1, Year End Position: #62)
We’ll start with Circles, mainly because I wanted to start with the prettiest video thumbnail first, and because this is still relevant at the moment. Out of all the hits he’s had, I don’t think anyone of them has had more cultural impact than Circles have had. Not only is this his most acclaimed song, or at least major hit so far, but everybody in my school has been talking about this song ever since it’s been released; I’ve heard it on so many playlists, it’s become a huge radio darling, and honestly it deserves to be! The more acoustic, but smooth groove Circles brings to the table is excellent, and is just such a vibe. Post Malone just sounds so fresh here, a little bit too much reverb on his voice for my taste, but the melodies he brings are so plentiful and so on. I’m not surprised this has gotten so much hype so fast; it really is a pretty song. You’ll still have to wait for probably a month or two to call this excellent; I don’t particularly find it to be truly definitive of his true potential, but still, great song.
Number 2b) Wow. (Peak Position: #2, Year End Position: #5)
Quite possibly the most fun and brainless Post has ever thrown himself into a song. Combined with the rumbling bass-line which just screams fun, the loose, freestyle-like melodies, and that silly rap bridge he does at the end of the second verse? Absolutely brilliant. “Made another hit cause’ I got bored” is something Post can absolutely pull off; he has the swagger to do that. I will say, this is considerably a lesser song than some of the other hits I’m about to mention, mainly because it doesn’t go for as many huge themes or sounds like the others succeed to pull off. It’s just a fun time. A shallow one, but a good one!
Number 2c) Goodbyes ft. Young Thug (Peak Position: #3, Year End Position: #30)
Honestly, this song just keeps getting better and better with every listen. One of it’s advantages is that it wasn’t nearly as massive or played on radio as much like songs like Better Now or Circles. This made me really appreciate every single fantastic element of this song even more. Goodbyes might just be Post Malone’s operatic masterpiece. I wish the song started with the delicate strings in the music video, but the radiating production we get is extremely silky and just swells even more and more throughout the song. The song starts off super melancholic and tense, and then right as the second verse kicks in, we just get whiplashed into a stream of super powerful melodies, and let’s get this right; Post Malone masters these melodies super successfully here. They’re strong, hard-hitting but, most importantly, catchy too! The hook, too, is super short, but contains some of the most resonating tunes of the entire year. After Young Thug’s raw verse which admittedly grew on me way more than it should have, all of the tension built up is just smattered in the final chorus, where we finally get a breath of fresh air. So satisfying! The outro, too. Fuck y’all who call it lazy; it is just Post Malone throwing himself into the sunlight, just venting out all of his frustrations out. It’s a breath-taking moment in pop music, and this almost beat out…..
Number 2d) Sunflower ft. Swae Lee (Peak Position: #1, Year-End Position: #2)
I think this was the exact moment where most of us managed to get a grasp of Post Malone’s true potential as an artist, because, wow, was this one of this of the sweetest jams of the year. Spider-Verse is probably like my favourite movie anyways, and this song, not only was it integrated extremely evenly in the movie, but also at all the right moments too! This just warms my soul upon every listen, man. Again, this showed Post Malone moving into a new era of production; combined with the Spider-Verse soundtrack album production features, this velvety, super youthful beat, with the warping bass, the warm guitar lines in the pre-chorus; it’s just a pleasant experience, and both of our artists here, while not having the most amount of chemistry (there is no dominant artist here, so at points it can seem disjointed), still have great performances and melodies. Swae’s melodies are more ecstatic; much more upbeat and joyful, and his pre-chorus will probably be one of the most iconic pieces of pop music to be taken from this year. But Post, oh my does he sound like an angel here. Up until Sunflower was released, I always thought Post had an interesting voice, but I didn’t think he was capable of sounding this angelic! His melodies are so warm, full of love, and that pre-chorus is great too, where he just bawls out with such clarity and elegance. Overall, Sunflower was quite a hidden gem that these two were very capable of releasing, especially Post, and while this is very sweet, warm, surprisingly airplay resistant, and quite special, there’s just something that will probably be a talent-defining hit for our man, Post, here.
Number 2e) Take What You Want ft. Ozzy Osbourne, Travis Scott (Peak Position: #8), Year End Position (n/a)
This right here is a masterpiece of art; quite possibly the best fusion of rock and melodic-trap I’ve ever heard, and one of the best top 10 debuts of the decade, too. Shame it’s gonna get caught between years, but hey, we still live in a world where this song, nearly became a hit! Expect that in 2019? I didn’t! Of course, the contribution of GOAT Ozzy Osbourne is fantastic; his chorus just punches hard, and has just enough grit to make this feel properly rock. Post Malone is another star here too; I’ve always wanted Post to work over rock production, and this, being one of his closest attempts on his own song, is quite an accomplishment! The melodies are not only totally his, but also have so much gravitas to them; they know when to tense up; Post Malone knows which words to go hard on, and his singing on his chorus too; When I heard this for the first time, my heart just skipped like three beats. This is exactly the type of shit that I’ve always imagined him doing, with him always ‘feeling like a rockstar’. Travis may be the least great performer; his delivery may sometimes be a little too conventional; but the atmosphere he brings to the table with his vocal effects resonate extremely well. The version with the Ozzy Osbourne verse replacing Travis’, while not bad, totally loses the feel that Travis’ verse had. He was quite possibly the best trap-rapper to be casted here. The chorus is already really hard-hitting by melodies alone, but when the rock elements come crashing in, especially in the final chorus, it’s just an explosion of satisfaction, and don’t even get me on the guitar solo! I was surprised that Spectrum Pulse wasn’t rolling in his grave when he first heard this; this is a kickass guitar solo, and one that I did and didn’t expect from Post Malone, yet.
Look, Take What You Want is one of my favourite songs of the year, period, and would absolutely be number #1 if I wanted. However, I feel that singling out individual songs from Post Malone for this list would be a disservice to what he’s accomplished this year; I expect a lot more coming from him in this decade. That new song he has on Ozzy Osbourne’s album? It’s A Raid? Bop. Post Malone may look like a garbage man, but he deserves a suit of armour, at all times.
Here’s some honourable mentions, too. Trust me, there was a lot of good shit to choose from; such a fun year.
Honourable Mention #1:
ME!- Taylor Swift ft. Brendon Urie
Peak Position: #2
It’s fun. Fuck you-
Honourable Mention #2
If I Can’t Have You- Shawn Mendes
Peak Position: #2
It’s nowhere near as good as There’s Nothing Holding Me Back. Not at all. But I’m not sure if anything Shawn Mendes makes will ever be as good, so this still gets a huge thumbs up,
Honourable Mention #3
How Do You Sleep?- Sam Smith
Peak Position: #24
Jesus Christ what a….fucking banger. To all of those who ever labelled Sam Smith as the boring ballad guy, this is just his big middle finger to you all. What an anthem.
Honourable Mention #4
Bad Guy- Billie Eilish
Peak Position: #1
This suffers the same problem that G-Eazy’s No Limit did last year. The first two thirds of the song are absolutely amazing, but I want to switch off by the mediocre last third of the song. But of course, I like this. Duh.
Honourable Mention #5
Shallow- Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper
Peak Position: #1
Lady Gaga step on me challenge.
Honourable Mention #6
God’s Country- Blake Shelton
Peak Position: #17
YEEEAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Honourable Mention #7
Old Town Road- Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus
Peak Position: #1 for 19 Extravagant Weeks
Old Town Road is more than just a song. It’s a celebration. And if we don’t throw it a one year anniversary what are we doing with our lives-
Honourable Mention #8
Twerk- City Girls ft. Cardi B
Peak Position: #29
Best Cardi B and City Girls hit of the year; how did Act Up do better than this?
Honourable Mention #9
Intro- DaBaby
Peak Position: #13
KIRK, while definitely an improvement on Baby on Baby, definitely had a lot of disappoint cuts, but wow is this breathtaking. Such a good song and MC.
Honourable Mention #10
Motivation- Normani
Peak Position: #33
You guys did this so dirty and I’m so frustrated. Also Normani is hot AF-
Honourable Mention #11
EARFQUAKE- Tyler, The Creator
Peak Position: #13
So close! But alas, Billboard is mean to Playboi Carti.
Honourable Mention #12
Juice- Lizzo
Peak Position: #82
I don’t care that this peaked low, you’re gonna tell me that this banger wasn’t as big as Talk You Out of it? What do you want Billboard, a death wish?
Honourable Mention #13:
Con Altura- ROSALÍA ft. J Balvin, El Guincho
Peak Position: fuck that shit
And this didn’t even chart at all? What the actual hell I’m gonna break somethin- NUMBER 1 NOW BEFORE I THROW MY LASAGNA AT THE SCREEN……for the record this would have been number 7 on the list, while Juice would have been number 4. Haih…..
Number 1
I’ve been noticing a very similar trend of audience reactions to single rollouts this year. The leadoff single is usually the one that sets the tone off on how people will anticipate their next release. It’s usually varying in perceptions between people; some people find it good or bad, but overall, the quality of the actual song itself very uniform. Not many strong feelings towards it. The follow-up, though, usually now plays the ‘controversial card’. These songs are where the strongest feelings are generated; many people love the song, and other people may hate another one. And usually, the second one sometimes tend to outshine the first one in how ‘memorable’ it is.
The third single, though? That’s not to be slept on either. I’ve noticed that the third single, or maybe even the promotional single, is the one that manages to win people over on what to feel on their comeback. It can confirm their fears on thinking that their comeback has been a mistake, or it can turn things around on a more controversial album rollout, maybe trick people into thinking that their project wouldn’t be such a failure after all. My number 1 pick does the latter. The first two singles may have been slightly worrying for this artist’s newest release into their discography, but, alongside the promotional single, it satisfied me again. So, so much.
Number 1) Lover- Taylor Swift
Peak Position: #10, Year End Position: n/a
The same thing can be said for the Jonas Brothers’, or The Weeknd’s album rollout this year, too. But ME! was the lead off single which I did really like, but had no idea of what was going towards Taylor in subsequent singles the most. With You Need To Calm Down being slightly more questionable in it’s message, and even quality, I was starting to get a bit worried towards the album. The Archer turned out to be surprisingly great though, and Lover (the song) turned out even better.
This is the best single Taylor has released since Style in 2015, and will probably be one of her best singles yet. Everything about this song is just….personally so heart-warming and inviting to me. I do not personally see a single element in this song which people may dislike, I really can’t. Some may find it slightly more underwhelming or forgettable of a song, which is fine. But I think Lover really captures the art of story-telling through it’s sound, without even needing to tell a story.
The song starts off pretty sensual; the acoustic guitar strums, while technically simple, are layered very well and are frankly quite nice sounding too. Taylor is at her most subdued and soothing too; she takes control of this instrumentation extremely well, I have to say. The melodies are just sung with so much love, and even though the lyrics are detailed and romantic, she doesn’t put such a strong emphasis on them. The first chorus isn’t particularly astounding with it’s bombast either. We jump into it, with a very nice sounding melody sure, but it’s still pretty safe. Though, I especially really like how it ends with the ‘my my my my LOVER’ refrain. Quite a nice one, I should say.
Then as the song goes on and on, we get more complexities in the composition, much more textured guitars and production, more loose melodies. I love how the chorus always builds up to that amazing and refreshing refrain; the overall sound of it may actually be pretty vintage, but I don’t care because it just sounds so dreamy:D Okay and then we probably get one of the best bridges of her career too. The keys twinkle and oscillate, with Taylor’s melodies being so loveable too with that ‘Lover’ refrain. Once we get to that final whisper of the ‘Lover’ refrain, I-I melted. If this nearly killed a regular fan, I wonder how Swifties must have reacted to that because goddamn, has Taylor never sounded sexier.
The final chorus is then a celebration of her true, eternal love for her partner. We crash into a splendid arrangement of all of the best elements of the masterful production, and Taylor just sounds so happy to be singing, honestly. And with the Lover post-chorus being repeated at the end with that final touch, with the cymbals adding to the final bombast too, seriously. Alongside Goodbyes, this is one of the best final choruses I have heard in a pop song in a while.
Lover is not just a song about love. It’s a celebration of Taylor’s love; towards her romantic partner, and art. This song did indeed prove that the album would be great too, because Lover (the album) would wound up being Taylor’s most personal, beautiful and, probably, her best album too. I’m really glad that this song and the album got the acclaim it deserved, after a rather rough few years after Reputation…..and Billboard did this song dirty. It might have earned a spot on this year end, if the Billboard Year didn’t end one year earlier than it should have. Jesus Christ this fucking chart system….
But yeah, Lover by Taylor Swift. My official number 1 favourite hit song of 2019. Stick around for the Year End ranking if you’re interested, even though (spoilers) it’s not quite as interesting or diverse as it should have been. But anyways, have fun and remember. Sam Smith and Lil Nas X are our future gay icons in the music industry. Take care
I could go on with a cliched intro about how 2019 was such an interesting last year of the decade for the music charts, and how I’m gonna celebrate this year end to it’s max. Who are you kidding? You didn’t come here for the celebration of hits, you came here for my opinion. And my opinion is the only thing that matters today, because we are going to be counting down the popular songs this year that truly sucked, and had a negative impact on me. However, I’m gonna put a huge emphasis on the word ‘popular’, which means that I’m only going to be talking about the songs big enough to be brought into the conversation. So if you’re asking why some trash-rock song from Skillet or random SoundCloud trap-rappers aren’t going to be on the list, read the title. We’re counting the Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019! Not the Top 10 worst songs of 2019.
Before we start, here’s a few ground rules just to define what a ‘hit’ means to me. If if made the Billboard Year End Hot 100 for 2019, it’s automatically qualified for this list, but a true hit doesn’t just stray outside the year-end chart. So, if it peaked in the Top #40 anytime this year, I’ll put it on too. Anyways, let’s get this shit-fest started.
Number 10
10. Swervin’- A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie ft. 6ix9ine
Peak: 38, Year End Position (#82)
This song originally did not make the shit-list for me. It was always an extremely mediocre ripoff of that In My Feelings song by Drake that dominated the charts last year (this is still a ripoff, don’t argue with me). But hey, In My Feelings wasn’t that bad, right? Well, you don’t know me outside my RateYourMusic page (@ryankwl2), but I hated that shit. I found it so un-melodic and incoherent with those DJ breakdowns, already ripping off the far superior Drake hit, Nice For What, and the hook was only catchy because it was everywhere. So, A Boogie’s not getting off the hook here, either.
Therefore, yes, this is pretty bad. I don’t really mind A Boogie as an MC; I always found it impressive how easy it is for him to switch up his tones, making him a fairly versatile rapper. However, it just doesn’t hit the mark on this song. The dull, resound reverb of a beat is so flat and non-distinct, that any melodies that he might be able to catch onto here just come off as awkward. He starts off with the main hook of the song, which is just plain embarrassing, for the record. The dude can’t even mumble right, and the way he ends each bar with “swervin'” and “curvin'” just sounds so….uncomfortable. Then he yells ‘I FUCK YOU FROM THE BACK AND LEAVE YOU TURNIN”. Not only does that line end slightly too fast, but it came out from nowhere! You do not go from mumbling to crying within 20 seconds in your song!
And talk about a sudden change of tone, yeesh, 6ix9ine is here and he still sucks! Although, his voice here actually sounds worryingly constrained here. It’s almost as if he’s yelling without having drunk a glass of water for 6 hours. This is the epitome of his throatiest and most unpleasant belting, and it just sounds disgusting over this beat. Combined with some absolutely filler ‘stealing your bitch’ content, his verse is just disposable, and that’s what I’d label this song overall. It’s a disposable little song which is a carbon copy of today’s most disposable trap-rap, but with a rainbow-headed pedophile instead. I mean, 6ix9ine is completely cut off from the music video, verse, hair and all, but his absence there doesn’t make up for his singular presence on the Billboard Year End. I guess we can’t go one year without having a shit human being blowing up in popularity.
Number 9
All right, let’s actually talk about the overall music scene of 2019, here. It was a crazy year, let’s get that out of the way. From the number #1 record being broken by Old Town Road, where an 18 year-old black dude and Miley Cyrus’ Dad share the mic, and basically cock-blocked at least 7 other songs for debuting at that position, to tons of remixes being promoted to boosts songs, to charts being dominated by newcomers such as Billie Eilish, Lizzo, DaBaby, Lil Tecca and more, to The Jonas Brothers’ comeback knocking off Bradley Cooper of all people off the number 1 spot; there has been tons to talk about in this music period, and that’s why I feel that this year will be remembered by many years, myself included.
However, putting all of the insanity behind us, I actually found a good chunk of the popular music this year to actually be relatively ‘safe’ in terms of quality. Ranking the Billboard Year End, an entire third of it found itself in the ‘decent’ tier, which really contrasts to all of the events it brought. In other words, the music itself was way less interesting than the musicians making it. Unfortunately, I have the exact same words to describe this next pick:
9. Act Up- City Girls
Peak: 28, Year End Position (#68)
There really is not much to say about this one, except that it actually has the same problems as the last pick: tonal inconsistencies. Both of the MCs, Yung Miami and the other, have underwhelming verses, but they still at least do their thing, and ‘attempt’ to show energy. However, listen to this beat! It is so….nothing. The trap hi-hats overpower it on the verses, and it’s basically as if the girls are just squawking over just a sparse drum-beat, and it doesn’t fit! The hook is the only time where their performances match the subdued beat, but even then, it’s a garbage hook. I-ok-how the hell did this hook inspire the dance craze? Repetition isn’t proportional to catchiness, sure, but they sound so bored over it, and that’s such a shame, as their first hit, which unfortunately missed the year end, Twerk with Cardi B, is so much better! It’s upbeat, energetic, great even! Unfortunately we’re left with a dull stinker that represents the biggest hit of two MCs which I know are way better than this.
Leave Me Alone with Layton Greene and Lil Baby fucks though, let’s make that a hit please.
Number 8
There have actually been quite a lot of pretty big comebacks this year, which would make sense, seeing that 2019 would be the last year of this decade and a lot of artists would want to end the massive decade off with a bang. That’s great and all, but most of these comebacks have NOT been what I expected at all, with most of them likely to be labelled as underwhelming too. International super-pop-star Ed Sheeran is back!…..with a mediocre, generic trap pop tune featuring one of the most mediocre, generic pop voices, with Justin Bieber. Taylor Swift, after her big hiatus from her reputation, decides to make a song about herself, again. But this time with Brendon Urie, too, who also had two pretty sizeable hits on the Year End too, a new record-high for Panic! At The Disco. However for me, there has not been a comeback this year as underwhelming, uneventful, and even disappointing….as the Jonas Brothers’ reunion.
Sucker was a good song, though. Slick, catchy, kinda too much pop than rock for my taste, but it kinda slapped, not gonna lie. However, that comeback single had me worrying quite a bit. The whole sound of the song was very listenable and even upbeat, but it was almost muted, in a way. Something about just had that plastic, desaturated sound which similarly got me worried for Pray For The Wicked. It did not give me a lot of hope for that next single and album. And then, by the time the second single dropped, my fears had been brought to life. Not just because it was shockingly lazy, but it was pretty fucking embarrassing too!
8) Cool- Jonas Brothers
Peak: 27, Year End: n/a
Jesus Christ, talk about artistic regression, or something. I may not have really cared about the Jonas Brothers back when they were kinda a big Disney Channel thing when I was like 5. I was more of a Cartoon Network, kid. I didn’t grow up on teenage reality shows. I grew up on the Powerpuff Girls and Adventure Time. However, while re-listening to their old music, I didn’t find much of it worth talking about, but some of their more popular hits like S.O.S, Year 3000 and especially Burnin’ Up radiated this youthful teenage spirit that I at least recognised that the Jonas Brothers used to bring to the table. They were energetic, and even pretty fun at times!
Cool reminds me that these guys are now grown, married-man, who now try to adapt to the lowest-common denominator of easy-to-listen, desaturated pop music, which is also modern enough to ‘resonate’ with the fans who have now grown up. But that youthful spark was what used to be what was attractive about them! They may have looked like punchable nerds, but it didn’t matter because their music attempted to speak otherwise! To see them brag about being cool, while wearing cheap tuxedoes in the music video just make me cringe in resentment. Honestly, this might just be the most embarrassingly written song of their entire career. Joe states that he feels like ‘Post Malone when he gets home’, and is ‘winning like it’s Game of Thrones’. Those things are not cool on their own! If you’re gonna compare your coolness to other things, at least say why? Post Malone is a cool guy, sure, but do you wanna feel like ‘rockstar’ Post Malone, or ‘White Iverson’ Post Malone? Because you sound exactly like the latter; limp, trying way too hard and, most importantly of all, not cool.
It doesn’t help the fact that the song sounds like shit too. Just from the opening chorus, the acoustic guitar line already sounds totally off-key, not playing the right cord, and from there, the song just limps the whole way through. Say what you want about Only Human. The production may technically sound more plastic, but at least it tried to build up to the hook! There’s no build-up here, no real song progression, and don’t get me started on that excuse of a guitar solo. Kevin. You had one job. And you fuck it up by playing quite possibly the weakest guitar solo ever. It sounds limper than a soggy banana. And that’s what this song is. It’s a soggy banana. Not tasty, weak, radioactive yellow just like the music video, and not cool. Not cool.
Number 7
16. 16 Country, or country-related songs on this Billboard Year End list. Did country have a great year or what? Well, I’ll actually say that this was the year that I started to listen to a lot more country music in my free time, and I have to say, I found a lot of gems! From Emily Scott Robinson, to the 4 Horsemen-i mean HighWomen, to Miranda Lambert, to Sturgill Simpson all making some of my favourite albums this year, this proves to me that when country is at it’s best, it is absolutely stunning. Now, bro-country was a huge contributor to a lot of the hits that made the genre blow up as big as it did, as usual, but honestly, besides a few exceptions, I didn’t really hate any of the bro-country hits this year, as I would have in 2013. So, I ask you, what is country at it’s absolute worst point?
When it’s not fucking country.
7) One Thing Right- Marshmello ft. Kane Brown
Peak: 38, Year End Position (#89)
Yes, even if bro-country is extremely meat-headed at times, for the most part, it attempts to be country. This song right here is just pathetic. And I mean every single part of it, but let’s tackle the biggest offender: Marshmello. Look, I’ve tried to give bland-pop-friendly Marshmello a chance. Mainly because his pure EDM stuff is way crappier, but I’ve also never really hated many of his safer hits, such as Wolves or Happier. Unfortunately, when the guy actually tries to be interesting or revolutionary for once, it turns out shit. Friends with Anne-Marie is exhibit A, but One Thing Right is definitely the head of the musuem.
The production here is just the most gross and sterile fusion of EDM and country imaginable. During the start of the verses, the plastic plucking of the electric guitar clashes horribly with the plastic trap hi-hats, which really should not be on this song at all. Here’s the thing however, the electric guitar is the instrument that overpowers the rest of this song. I don’t care if it’s processed at all; that’s not even attempting to be organic country. Yes, there’s some twang added during the pre-choruses, but once the first line of the hook starts, Kane Brown’s voice is thrown with some filthily atrocious backing-vocals, which really make Kane Brown sound like shit throughout the song. The dude’s not a bad singer in general, but here, he sounds flat out terrible. His mid-lower range is so melancholic and sombre in this song, accompanied by the already melancholic and sombre melodies, which just play to the most common denominator of bro-country melodies. It really is depressing; Marshmello takes more of typical bro-country melodies than the instrumentals themselves.
The drop is also a mess. I would expect to come right after the ‘One Thing Right’, but Kane randomly throws in a ‘You’ a millisecond before it hits, and it just makes whatever momentum the chorus might have had drive into a brick wall. That guitar-driven drop is so underwhelming too, combined with the weak trap drums and Kane Brown’s overpowering ‘muttering’ over it. But the bridge is where I lose my patience. The acoustic guitars finally come in, which might have been a decent arrangement, but they sound so metallic and artificial, that they might as well not have been there. Marshmello can’t even get acoustics right! Then he autotunes the poor lad’s voice, and of course, it sounds like shit. It’s noticeable autotune too, like, T-Pain levels of badly produced autotune. What a hack this puffball is.
One Thing Right represents everything wrong about genre-fusing. With Old Town Road, Lil Nas X managed to find a beat which did stay primarily-trap, but had actually decent country-like guitars leading the mix. Here, the instrumentation is just confused as hell. It can’t tell whether it wants to be an uplifting country-anthem, or another bland Marshmello pop sellout song, and it becomes a bland Marshmello pop sellout anthem. Fuck this
Number 6
However, if you make a bro-country song that sounds like shit too, I’m not excusing you, either.
6) Eyes On You- Sam Hunt-
wait you’re telling me that Sam Hunt didn’t make this song? Then who did?…..wait why would I do that to my rice-
6) Eyes On You- S̶a̶m̶ ̶H̶u̶n̶t̶ Chase Rice
Peak: 38, Year End Position (#96)
From what I’ve heard, Chase Rice has always been a pretty shitty bro-country act anyways, but come on; this sounds like the most sterile Sam Hunt song ever! At least Body Like A Backroad was a hilarious type of awful. The instrumentation is built around these cold piano keys, which try to bring a sense of sincerity to the table, but then is devoured by the crash of steely guitars in the chorus and complemented with the even more metallic drum machines. Anyone getting flashbacks to Take Your Time? You see, this song, just like the Sam Hunt one it so tries to ripoff, builds itself by being a sincere, earnest song discussing their conflicts with their women in mind, but deconstructing it, it turns out to be way more toxic and disgusting in it’s manner.
But here’s the thing; at least Take Your Time sounded tolerable! Besides the desaturated instrumentation, Chase Rice really does not bring much to the table here. He sounds so disposable and underwhelming during the verses, especially with that shit attempt of a Sam Hunt talk-rap thing he does, which seems to actually be intentional. Your soft-speaking isn’t cute, Chase, it’s pathetic. He’s not as auto-tuned as Kane Brown was in One Thing Right, but I now hope that he was because MAN does he not do this chorus justice. He enunciates each line so abruptly and out-of-breath, as another shitty attempt to make his performance seem more ‘human’. He succeeded all right, because I don’t think Marshmello would even want to attempt to make your performance less shitty than it already is.
It’s the writing that really makes me pissed at this song, however. The fact that he already suggests that he has his eyes on this girl wherever she is sounds much more creepy, than endearing, really. In fact, Chase only seems to be attracted to this girl’s features, rather than the ‘good times’ they had together. Like, when he recalls their celebration at Time Square, but he didn’t care what year it was only because she was there. First of all, I’m sure people weren’t at Time Square celebrating your girl’s ass, dude. If you’re going to look back on the memories with your significant other, remember them for how much you enjoyed them with her, not how much you enjoyed her rack. ‘Once again, couldn’t help but stare’. Kiss my ass dude, is that supposed to be cheeky? That sounds like you were a 10-year-old child caught for spying on his crush in the bathroom. God this guy can’t get his priorities right.
So yeah. In the year of 2019, we gave the Sam Hunt ripoff a hit. Fantastic. Let’s just hope he doesn’t try to ripoff Body Like A Backroad next.
HAHHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA-
Number 5
So, overexposure isn’t a good thing, obviously. The biggest example this decade in music would be Drake. This man has been massive throughout the entire decade. He kept pumping out hit after hit, after year after year- look, the story’s getting old now. My point is, once you manage to generate so much hype for your own art, the public tends to have really high expectations for you. Scorpion last year broke millions of records, and Drake himself managed to notch 9 spots on the year end last year. Now, including guest features, he has 3! And one of them was a carryover from last year. This proves that people finally got sick of Aubrey, and finally stopped letting everything he touched to become a hit. He had a mini album bomb from Care Package, multiple guest features with different artists, and mainly all of them flopped! So, once the overexposure gets to you, it can do some serious damage to your career and artistic merit. And it’s so unfortunate that it has happened to this next artist too because….wooh boy, did she look like a breath of fresh air a year ago.
Number 5) Money- Cardi B
Peak: #13, Year End Position: #38
This is just about the worst possible thing Cardi could have ever followed her album cycle for Invasion Of Privacy yet. A rushed, incomplete flex tape which just contains some of the laziest bars and hooks that the artist could ever have thought of of. I just don’t get it. Her last single before this, Ring with Kehlani, may not have been good, but at least the song attempted to have some sort of energy in the chorus, and had at least a much more distinctive beat than this sorry excuse. Like a fellow reviewer said, “this beat sounds like HUMBLE, if HUMBLE had the worst beat ever”. He’s not exactly wrong either. Just on sound alone, the beat just comprises of two piano chords, a spare-ass trap beat, and that’s it! There is absolutely no reason why Cardi should go from rustic, upbeat Latin-inspired beats, to just the most sterile thing ever. That’s the other thing. This isn’t even a good beat for a hip hop track! And because of that, all of the bars are awkward as fuck.
These aren’t good bars either. The content is just about Cardi bustin’ the bubble while she gets paid, and that’s it! Usually, Cardi doesn’t go beyond flexing either, but a) these bars aren’t memorable for her standards and b) because the beat is so nothing, we’re forced to pay attention to Cardi, and Cardi herself. The disappointment is that she has absolutely nothing to say, and really is having minimal contributions. The energy is much more thin and lacking than we’ve come to expect. The hook contains of these high-pitched ‘money’ yelps which come in a second too early, ending off the bars too abruptly. When she’s not trying to sound energetic, she’s bored, and for someone who we put trust into overpowering Nicki as the new mainstream queen of rap, it’s a fucking let-down.
And after Money, I’m not sure if Cardi would every touch a great song ever again. I mean, I liked Press way more than others, and Please Me was…ok. But from mediocre to outright lazy features from Writing On The Wall, Taki Taki etc., this has might led me to think that Cardi’s solo career might have been too good to be true, and while I still value her higher than this, I hope that she never reaches a low as shitty as this, because this is one shit-wreck of a song, and I hope Cardi pulls it out together. Otherwise Megan’s gonna come to town and slay.
Number 4
Dear me that third album is not looking too hot, is it? (edit* the album actually turned out to be pretty good, with this being left out. Good decision! Too bad the song still blows!)
Number 4) Nightmare- Halsey
Peak: #17, Year End Position: N/A
I mean, I’m not exactly glad that Without Me became one of the largest, and longest-lasting hits of the year and decade, and the single after this, Graveyard, was underwhelming for me, but at least they weren’t as aggravating as this monstrosity! It’s so frustrating too, because this could have been an extremely big and booming feminist anthem which would make me see Halsey in a new light; it’s basically the same situation as NO by Meghan Trainor 3 years ago. Good intentions, but the execution is just….the worst.
Playing the trash-rock card wasn’t exactly a terrible decision too. I mean, Halsey is not a weak singer, by any stretch. Some of her more well-known songs may prove otherwise, but sometimes she does have some grit and control which could possibly lead to a pretty robust banger. But this is just an accumulation of everything that could have gone wrong with Halsey doing this type of track. There’s a difference between being strong, and annoying. Halsey’s performance here falls into the latter. She just yells, with a lot of power, sure, but not a lot of weight behind her performance. She sounds like she’s rallying at a live performance, in her own song!! With the loud clashing of the ugly instrumentation, this song was doomed to sound like a train-wreck. Then, we transition to the trap-driven verses, and is it supposed to make me this uncomfortable? The melodies she sings are so sing-song, and unnerving, that it removes any incentive for me to listen to it more than once, and then the train crashes again when the chorus comes back in. Talk about inconsistent tone!
But the ugly sound of this wouldn’t aggravate me as much if it didn’t totally fuck up the idea of the entire song. From the way I interpret these lyrics, and maybe the mood this brings to the table, I can totally tell that Halsey wanted this to sound like an angry, furious girl anthem which just screams of ‘fuck you’. Nightmare, on the other hand, screams of ‘fuck me’, in the way that this song is going to make me want to wish I never heard it ever again. What’s the point of making a strong message, if you make people not want to listen to you? Wasted potential, indeed. God.
Experiment On Me from the Birds Of Prey soundtrack is fucking nuts, though. I recommend you listen to it if you want to hear Halsey over another trashy rock song. Although, this one actually is good, I think.
Number 3
You could also argue that this song also had another very positive message to tell. But when I saw who was making it, I lost all hope immediately.
Number 3) Earth- Lil Dicky ft. Earth
Peak Position: #17, Year End Position: N/A
Confession time: I don’t really hate Freaky Friday. Sure, it’s a hacky way of giving us an insight on how awesome it is to be inside the body of disgusting, unlikeable, sex-offender that is Chris Brown, and most of the humour really is low-hanging fruit levels of humour, which should not be the bar for a ‘comedy rapper’. But, you gotta admit, the song does at least sound good. Even if what it’s saying is actually is thoroughly despicable, it at least was an idea for something to be disguised as a novelty comedy song about switching bodies. It at least tried to convey the brain idea into the paper idea.
This song is about raising awareness about global warming, species extinction, and all the other problems that our planet Earth is facing right now. Then why the hell does it feel like nobody seemed to give a shit about this song? Lil Dicky has and always been a fucking hack from the very beginning, but this just crosses the barrier for me. At least his older shit was laughably bad! This sounds like it, but it’s not supposed to be! It’s supposed to be an uplifting message about saving the planet, and it comes off as the least sincere thing I’ve ever heard! Again, just like Nightmare, another great concept, but the execution is just the worst.
This song’s beat sounds like the cheapest, most blocky tropical production that Dicky could have gotten for his big commercial single. Why spend over $40 million on the admittedly cool music video, if you’re not gonna give a shit about the song itself? Did you predict that it would flop as hard as it did, and so you didn’t want to waste money on it? Good job, then! And of course, one of Lil Dicky’s signature moves is getting celebrities to cameo on his songs! Of course, every single artist is going to want to have a helping hand in ‘saving the environment!’. Over 30 popular artists are featured here, ranging from Ed Sheeran (again), to Katy Perry, to Miguel, to Hailee Steinfeld, to Snoop Dogg, and even A-List celebrities such as Kevin Hart and Leonardo DiCaprio. “This might be the best song I’ve ever heard” Don’t lie to yourself, Leo. This sounds more like Once Upon A Time in Hell, than Once Upon A Time In Hollywood.
How does Dicky manage to utilise these highly valuable cameos from these celebrities to spread awareness about our state of Earth? He gets them to pose as living creatures, and make outdated sex puns. Literally. Justin Bieber has a huge baboon anus, Shawn Mendes is as horny as a rhinoceros, Snoop Dogg will fuck you up because he’s a drug, and some of these aren’t even punchlines either! Rita Ora is a wolf, and she just howls. Sia is a kangaroo….and is hopping all day, all down on you. This not only fails on the prospect of making a message, but it’s straight up not funny! Lil Dicky, you have failed at both being a comedian rapper, and a activist for the environment! Jesus, can this get any worse?
Yes, actually, and most of the worst jokes and moments here, surprise, come from Dicky, himself. His first attempt of singing the meaningless hook in his terrible, frail falsetto was already a mistake, but it’s okay. We’ll forgive his singing, just like ‘We forgive Germany’. Fuck hell, Dicky’s back once upon a time in 1917. We’ve already forgiven Germany, prick. Suck my bratwurst.
But it’s truly his last freestyle verse which honestly just fucking ruins all the credibility Earth might have had. This is quite possibly the most embarrassing moment in pop music in the last couple of years. This verse is just……atrocious, I’m sorry. The guy is finally given some space to talk about whatever the hell he wants to, without Wiz Khalifa farting on him, and he literally does that. And strays away from the subject matter. ‘And it covers up our human dick, eat a lot of tuna fish’ is quite possibly the most objectively infuriatingly inaccurate and insensitive line I’ve ever heard. Honestly, what the hell is the point of making a high-budget presentation on Earth if you’re not going to contribute anything useful at all! It’s like going up on stage for a Ted-Talk on how to overcome your greatest, most terrifying fears, and then instead you give me a 5 page recipe on a grilled cheese. What the fuck are you talking about?
This is pure garbage. It’s a half-assed attempt at a charity single which only proves to me that Lil Dicky is a brainless man who thinks he’s way too smart for his own good, and also that everyone in this community has low fucking standards when it comes to these types of songs. Jesus guys, did you genuinely agree to this, or did he hold you at gunpoint? The only reason why it’s not higher is that a) I don’t care enough to trash into this garbage, underperforming song (even though I already have), and b) it does actually accidentally stumble into a few genuinely amusing jokes. Highlights include Kevin Hart making the most Kanye West introduction Kanye West never had, Ariana Grande being a biracial zebra, Adam Levine singing in a pack of vultures; I mean, if this had at least stuck to being a comedy single, there was a good idea for a major punchline. All this makes me want to do is punch this dick.
Number 2
I’m a fan of Ed Sheeran, I really am. A lot of people like to give him a lot of shit for spurring on the ‘white guy with acoustic guitar’ music, which tends to just plagiarize radio stations with vanilla, unimpressive and bland-ass acoustic ballads. I will say this: the guy does tend to be a little formulaic from album to album. But labelling Ed as the acoustic-guitar white guy is simply a disservice to the guy’s talent, it really is. The guy has an extraordinary tack for songwriting; he really is one of the most creative and focused writers in pop music right now. Not to mention, when he can, he can be a very complex and interesting performer when he strays away from his safe zone, which usually results in a collection of very enjoyable music! And, you gotta admit, he’s been very influential. So many younger artists right now take so much influence from his writing and composition style, which, no matter the outcome, really does speak a lot to the guy’s talent.
When it pumps out shit like this, however, I start to have my concerns. Because IIIIIIIIIII cannot stand when this happens.
Number 2) Someone You Loved- Lewis Capaldi
Peak Position: #1 (2020), Year End 2019 Position- #27
The worst thing about this is, I could actually see this thing working, if it were actually made by Ed Sheeran himself. Obviously, I really do love it when Ed goes out with more soaring, upbeat tunes such as Castle On The Hill and Galway Girl, but there’s a reason why he’s labelled as the ‘ballad’ guy for a reason. This man has released some of the most warm, heart-breaking and genuinely excellent ballads ever put on a mainstream album. And to be fair, if Ed Sheeran was just given the melodies, and composition to this song, I believe he could have made this into a complex, sour break-up anthem.
These melodies are catchy too! This could have worked…..if anyone else but Lewis Capaldi was making it. I’m cutting the bullshit. This guy has one of the worst singing ever voices to hit #1 this decade. His voice is rough, unpleasant, and Capaldi really has no sense of direction in this song. I can understand the reasoning it behind too. I can totally imagine him intending this to be a primal yell into the dark. He’s just screaming out to the world, unconscious of whatever’s going around him; he even seems to act that way in this music video! But I don’t feel pain, or sorrow in this guy’s delivery. Limbo Capellini is roaring into the mic, sure, but he’s just doing it for the sake of yelling. His belting isn’t pain-inflicting towards him, it’s pain-inflicting towards me. He just sounds awful on this track, I’m sorry. We also never forget about the bridge too. The singular note of Chewis Lewbacca hitting his peak range just sounds excruciating, not humanising. I don’t feel sympathy for this guy! He’s just being a big baby about it, at least it sounds like that.
It’s not as if the asinine writing or lazy production methods help it as well. All we get is a simple 4-chord piano line just on loop for the entire song, which is then enhanced in volume to the final chorus to give it some oomph. Pathetic. Also, in a recent interview, Lewnardo DilCaprio stated that this song was dedicated to his grandmother. Not a breakup at all, he says! “I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved” is such an insincere and meaningless line, though. Oh Nanny, I was only getting to be only kinda used to being your loved one. Fuck you. Seriously, the writing here is laughably asinine as well. “I let my guard down and you pulled the rug” actually made me laugh with how much emphasis he put on that line. This stupid double-entendre metaphor thing is probably my favourite vote for Most Pathetic Meme of 2019. At least it’s a memorable line, unlike most of the non-descriptive writing this song reeks of.
Really, Someone You Loved by Lonely Cannelloni is so high up on the list, not because it’s an incredibly insincere and unpleasant sounding break-up or ‘grandmother’ ballad, but mainly because of the tons of wasted potential here! The melodies are good, and if this was put against some more organic, or just more instrumentation, period, this could at least have been listenable! This guy is capable of making completely tolerable ballads, I swear. Before You Go, his second charting single, is genuinely a decently-performed and sounding song. Unfortunately, it’s gonna be a while before I get kinda used to being somewhat of a fan of this song.
All right, before we get to the number 1), let’s just go through a list of dishonourable mentions, comprising of songs I didn’t like, but ones I ultimately chose to let off the list proper. This year-end honestly had very little truly terrible songs, so I think we’ll get off somewhat scot-free here:
Dishonourable Mentions
7 Rings- Ariana Grande
Peak Position: #1
The fact that Ariana had the nerve to make this song makes me even more pissed. Decently catchy melodies don’t make the attitude of this song even more toxic
Dishonourable Mention #2
Baby- Lil Baby ft. DaBaby
Peak Position: #21
The Justin Bieber one was better
Dishonourable Mention #3
Baby Shark- Pinkfong
Peak Position #32
Ooooh you guys are lucky that I decided to leave this off the list. I didn’t want to bash into an admittedly catch kid’s song, but fuck if I’ve been able to escape this song at all
Dishonourable Mention #4
Mo Bamba- Sheck Wes
Peak Position: #6
Sicko Mode V.S Mo Bamba was actually a debate that sparked up conversation?…..how? “Sheck Wes got so many flows” my ass
Dishonourable Mention #5
Leave Me Alone- Flipp Dinero
Peak Position: #20
We did gladly. And that was probably for the better
Dishonourable Mention #6
Envy Me- Calboy
Peak Position: #31
Man, this trap song sure does exist, doesn’t it?
Dishonourable Mention #7
Close Friends- Lil Baby
Peak Position: #28
Holy shit how many forgettable trap songs ended up on the Year-End? Let’s move on to more interesting stuff, can we?
Dishonourable Mention #8
Lalala- Y2K ft. bbno$
Peak Position: #55
….well that’s certainly more interesting. Okay, this didn’t peak in the top #40, but it did spark up some conversation and everybody was raving about it so….it’s a hit by cultural standards, right? Anyways, this is one of the most hilariously awful songs I’ve heard this year, including that remix…..oh boy
Dishonourable Mention #9
Otra Trago- Sech ft. Darrell
Peak Position: #34
Darrell is going to come up to my door ala The Shining style and I am going to quit listening to reggaeton
Dishonourable Mention #10
Heat- Chris Brown ft. Gunna
Peak Position: #36
Chris Brown.
Dishonourable Mention #11
BAD!- XXXTentacion
Peak Position: #16
…..god do I still have to discuss this. All right, enough with dead people, let’s get back to the list
Number 1
This is not a good song.
Number 1) Robbery- Juice WRLD
Peak Position: #27, Year End Position: #100
“Enough with dead people” Who am I kidding? Anyways, before I tackle into Robbery, I would just like to say that this song would have been my number #1 pick, before or after Jarad’s untimely, tragic death. I will try to rip into this song with the most respect and honour I can to his career, and I will give him a tribute paragraph after this, so hopefully no hard feelings are felt here:)
However, this, to me, is just unlistenable, period. Juice WRLD’s whining and yelling over this song is very off-setting. He sings over these really odd, and uneven melodies with no sense of control at all, and his tone of voice on this song is just discomforting to my ears. The piano melody could have been an interesting foundation for a nice beat, but his voice just doesn’t compliment it at all. With the fairly amateurish writing as well, with really weird lines such as “She told me put my heart in the bag and nobody gets hurt” and “Flex on a hoe every time they’re insecure”, I don’t quite get the meaning of this song from first glance. It’s just not delivered in the way it could have been.
And, after looking up what this song meant to Juice, I do get it. I absolutely see the target audience for this type of song. The guy is bawling his heart out, calling out for anyone to help him. He’s lost, and he can’t control himself, which I guess does justify these melodies. But, I don’t know. This song just lacks refinery. It’s nowhere near as clear, or even translatable, with what he’s saying. And when the song is just this ugly-sounding too, I’m sorry, but Robbery is just absolutely the type of song I do not enjoy to hear. I’m sorry.
If I can give the man credit for one thing though, I do see his unique place in the modern trap-rap era now. The guy seemed like he had some sort of image of what he wanted to do, and his overall sound, and voice, while not always great or even enjoyable, was unique. I didn’t like his music very much, if I’m being honest, but I always did see potential in him. He could have been a great trap-star! His way-too-early of a death was just bleak. I didn’t see it coming, and I didn’t want it coming, either. Nobody deserves to die at an age of 21, especially with a possibly successful career of longevity headed up for him. If I had to pick a favourite song of his, it would totally be Lean Wit Me. After re-listening to it, it made me feel empty. It’s a dark, but rumbling and jagged sounding song. I encourage you to listen to it! It’s a great song.
But after all this, look. Robbery has done a lot of great things for many of his audience, which I 100% respect. It just wasn’t for me, and it, unfortunately, is my number 1 pick for the Worst Hit Song of 2019. Rest in peace.
Anyways, this is the list. I hope anyone who reads this enjoys it, and keep your heads up for the Best list. That one has some real gems inside of it. Have a great day, please don’t pull anyone’s rugs, and see you soon.
Ravioli Racetracks 